Comments on: Grammar quandary (your response welcome)

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 00:16:59 +0000

I’m pretty sure there needs to be a semicolon in there somewhere. Or just go with Lisa’s version.

By: Alicia Adams

Alicia Adams — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:34:30 +0000

You’re right. Here’s my version:

John Doe participates in the latest health screening, which includes measuring blood pressure and weight, as well as a comprehensive blood draw to evaluate blood sugar, cholesterol, triglycerides and other parameters.

By: Lisa Hall

Lisa Hall — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:32:00 +0000

…and weight as well as….

By: R. Brooks

R. Brooks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:08:21 +0000

Where is my grammar book when I need it? I see reasons for both. However, I think in the end I must side with the proofreader because all three are being measured, regardless of whether they are with the blood-drawing group or not. It sounds clearer to me that way at least.

Either way, I think you need a comma after “screening” and another word instead of “measure” in the second half; I’ve chosen “evaluate.”

Here’s what I would write:

John Doe participates in the latest health screening, which includes measuring blood pressure, weight, and a comprehensive blood draw to evaluate blood sugar, cholesterol, triglycerides, and other parameters.

Though I’m still not completely happy with this version either.